And So it Began

Starr Cochran

I felt old. The kind of old where every day was interchangeable. A cup of coffee. Walk the dog. Work. Lunch. Work. Make dinner. Watch TV. Go to bed. Toss and turn until the sunrise could no longer be ignored. Wedding anniversaries weren’t celebrated as much as they were checked off on their way toward a story of longevity that might be newsworthy someday. Love had faded; sex was a memory.

It was a good life compared to others. We were financially secure; lived in a beautiful home; got along well. My friends and I were all pretty much living the same life at the same age with an eye on retirement, which didn’t promise much more than the same. I asked the question a time or two: Is this all there is?

One day I met a friend of a friend, quite an innocuous meeting really – at first. I was married. Married was a commitment and I was committed. 

My hello hug with David enveloped us in such heat it could only be morphed by a desert summer sun. I hadn’t so much as thought about being with another man since my “I do” and suddenly my body started to respond. WTF?! Dare I? Could I? I hadn’t come across that level of sexual energy – let me think – I don’t remember. Zowie! 

But that married thing. I gave myself a head shake, shoved my emotions aside and returned to life in my vanilla house.

But I couldn’t stop thinking about him. 

Who knew one hug could have awakened a beast that had been asleep for decades, thought dead, and now wanted out – out of a marriage, out of the wife persona, and out into a life that looked anything but vanilla. Feelings and sensations swirled everywhere in my body, in my head, and in my heart. I cried. I hadn’t felt like that in way too many years. I was afraid and excited and confused, and I couldn’t wait to discover what was waiting for me on the other side of life as I knew it.

And so it began. 

Since I started this journey, my goal has been to seek new adventures and enjoy as many “deathbed” memories — you know, if you’re fortunate enough to have the time to reflect on your life, those moments you relive in your last few. Wherever you are in life and love and sex, my wish for you is that you start creating your own.